And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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