Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
