We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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