this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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