Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
