New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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