I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
