Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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