just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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