Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize