Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
