He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
