i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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