I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
