Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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