but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
