brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
