I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
