i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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