do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
