my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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