It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
