Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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