God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
