it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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