I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
