Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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