Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
