she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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