just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
