i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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