Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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