hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
