It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
