I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
