There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize