Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
