you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize