My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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