So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
