So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
