YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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