bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
