hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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