i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize