your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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