So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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