peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
