My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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