I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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