i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
