I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
