I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
