Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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