Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
