Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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