We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
