You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
