I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
