yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
