"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
