God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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