I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
