I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
