Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
