Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
