So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
foreskin is a definite game changer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
