Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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