Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
