Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
