What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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