We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
