I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
