i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
