pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Houston, we have a squirter
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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