i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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