I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
