I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
