Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The uberlube is also flammable
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
