Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
