Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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