let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
