i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
