Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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