Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
