you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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