Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
