think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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